THE ART OF LIVING AN ALCOHOL-FREE LIFESTYLE
Tip #18 - How to not be an (unintentional) a**hole at the holiday gathering. PLUS an inspiration board if you are hosting next week.
THE ART OF LIVING AN ALCOHOL-FREE LIFESTYLE
A series of one-off tips served with some straight talk, a bit of sass, and a penchant for not taking oneself or life too seriously.
Tip #18 - How to not be an (unintentional) a**hole at the holiday gathering.
Listen, the first step to not being an a**hole is to admit that we can be an a**hole. The second step is recognizing this trait in everyone and forgiving ourselves and others quickly. The third step is remembering steps one and two when you are close to people you may or may not love over the holidays.
I’m an only child. I know all about thinking the world revolves around me and that everyone is thinking about me and what is important to me. It doesn’t, they’re not, and they don’t! And no matter how much you believe you have made the greatest choice ever for yourself by not drinking alcohol, no one thinks about it the way you do.
Holiday gatherings tend to be more personal. Generally speaking, you are either hosting in your home or guesting in someone else’s home and are typically sitting in close quarters with others. So, naturally, we may assume that a host will go out of their way to make sure we have something NA to drink, and as a host, you might think your guests will know to BYOB or assume they won’t be drinking because you don’t drink. I think this is a massive faux pas and that these assumptions are a bit cringe. People are busy, especially over the holidays, and I never want to add stress to someone’s plate. So, with some boundaries and renewed expectations, we can get through this holiday dinner party with grace and maybe some excitement to see them all again within a few weeks.
GUESTING TIPS
Tips for the non-drinking guest:
BYOB. Just do it and take responsibility for your needs. If you want to have something to toast with besides water, bring it yourself. If you are craving a smokey bourbon alternative, buy that bottle. If you want the event to feel special, bring what you need to create that feeling.
If your host has the bandwidth to ask you what you would like to drink in their home - give them your answer. Allow your host to treat you. And if you say “no worries” to your host - you better not show up empty-handed and pout when you get tap water.
Bonus points for anyone who brings their own NA drinks AND gets enough to make a big batch for others to try. I bet they will be impressed with that uber-yummy mocktail you have been perfecting!
Bonus bonus if you use your autonomy to make the best decision for yourself and you choose to stay home because you just can’t.
Tips for the guest of a non-drinking host:
Call your host and ask them how they feel about alcohol in their home. Your host may not have any problems with this at all. They may have already purchased alcohol for you. Or you may find a host who would rather not have alcohol in their home. If you hear any hesitancy in their voice, get ahead of it and tell them that you understand and you can’t wait to spend quality time with them sans booze.
If your host doesn’t want you to bring alcohol, please respect that. If you can’t go a day without alcohol (you should look into this more), maybe choose another gathering.
Ask your host for their favorite NA drink- and now you know what to take to their home.
Bonus points for anyone who takes the time and learns to make a delicious NA mocktail out of your host’s favorite NA beverage - and brings enough for everyone.
HOSTING TIPS
Tips for the non-drinking host:
Be honest with yourself: Are you okay with people drinking alcohol in your home? If you don’t mind, tell them. If you do mind, TELL THEM. You are the leader, so be straightforward with all of your guests.
Give guidance if you want others to bring their alcohol or if you will be purchasing it for them. Again, this is all about owning what you are comfortable with and the limits that may surround that comfort.
Bonus points if you make a big batch of your favorite NA mocktail and let your guests try out what they are missing. You may get some thank-you phone calls when they wake up without a hangover the next morning.
Tips for the host of non-drinking guests:
Reach out to anyone who doesn’t drink and either tell them what you will be offering for beverages and if they would like anything in particular (only if you have the time to get it for them) or gently invite them to bring anything else they may want or need. Make it seem like you are calling everyone so the non-drinker doesn’t feel singled out.
Never point out anyone's choice not to drink alcohol. Especially if you don’t know how comfortable they are with their choice. And NEVER encourage anyone to drink. None of this “just one” or “lighten up” shit. If having someone in your home who doesn’t drink triggers you into being an a**hole (you should look into this more), don’t invite them over.
Have a quiet discussion with your non-drinking guests about where they want to keep their beverages and how they would like them served. I personally love an NA drink in an actual cocktail glass, but not everyone feels the same way.
Bonus points if you create a fancy schmancy NA barcart! See below.
Lastly, for any guest, when you are invited to a party, gathering, or anything, RSVP promptly and do so politely, whether it’s a yes or no. Please remember that in its simplest form, an invitation is another person asking to spend time with you. Invitations should never be treated as an inconvenience. It’s really sweet to be polite and not an a**hole :)
Event: Holiday with friends and family
Theme: Togetherness
Guests: 10
Location: My home
Attire: Cute but cozy.
Time: 3:00 pm. Doors open. 5:30 pm sit-down dinner. We do holidays very early.
TABLETOP:
I'm sticking with solid-colored plates from Bloomingdales. The dark red ones are also ace.
Copper stemware from Anthropology. I love the shiny pink/bronze look. The dusty rose touches don’t take away from the typical fall holiday color palette but add to it.
Many inexpensive short candle holders from Etsy. Orange or champagne would look great.
Old-fashion glasses from CB2 for all beverages. I like these smokey stacking glasses as well.
Goop Vase and flowers are also at CB2.
Dusty rose napkins from Le Amazon. Or these crinkle napkins and linen tablecloths, both from Food52.
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